The Borg and Windows
(an old joke recovered from the bottom of the drawer ...).
Picard - "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts to find a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have been able to access your communications system?" Geordi
- "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our files into the final computer technology twentieth century. "Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
Riker looks puzzled." What the hell is 'Microsoft'? "
Data turns to answer." Let me explain. Send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the communications system. Once inside your central command, begin consuming system resources so unstoppable. "
Picard -" But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Can not they alter their processing systems to increase storage capacity? "
Data -" Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of himself, known as 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be fast enough to adapt. At one point, all processing ability become saturated and there is nothing available for their normal operational functions. "
Picard -" Excellent work. This is even better than the idea of \u200b\u200b'unsolvable geometric shape'. "
... 15 Minutes Later...
Data -" Captain, we have managed to successfully install the 'Windows' in the central orders of the Borg . As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all available resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'. " Geordi
- "Our scanners have detected an increase in the storage and CPU capacity of the Borg, but still no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."
Picard - "Data, examine the history banks again and determine if we have forgotten something."
Data - "Sir, I think there is a reason for the failure to 'upgrade'. Apparently the Borg have suspended this part of the plan by not sending their registration cards."
Riker - "Captain, we have no choice. Request for permission to start the escape sequence 3F ...." Geordi
- excited - "Wait, Captain! Suddenly their CPU capacity has dropped to 0%!
Picard -" Data, What do your scanners? "
Data, analysis screens -" Apparently the Borg have found a module internal 'Windows' named 'Solitaire', and has captured all the CPU capacity. "
Picard -" wait and see far as it can reduce its service this 'Solitaire'. "
... Two Hours Later...
Riker" Geordi, what is the status of the Borg? "
Geordi -" As expected, the Borg are attempting redesigned to compensate for CPU and storage demands, but every time I get up its resources, assets our long-range monitor modules transmit more 'Windows' of something called 'Microsoft Fun-pack'. "
Picard - "How long will need to buy this?"
Data - "The current speed Borg resolution allows me to predict a time investment of approximately 6 hours." Geordi
- "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
Picard - "id."
Data - "It seems that their identifications are very similar to the logo of 'Microsoft'..."
in the speakers - "I AM THE ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT MONOPOLY FLAG SHIP. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. Give all your possessions and avoid any misfortune. HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY WITH THIS ORDER."
Data - "The alien ship has begun to open their front doors and throw thousands of humanoid shaped objects. "
Picard -" Amplify the front screen of the ship! "
Riker -" My God, captain! Are humans who go drifting toward the Borg ship - with no life support units! How can they survive the pressure of the vacuum of space?! "
Data -" I do not think they are human, sir. If you look closely I think you have found something recognized in the twentieth-century man like suede leather handbags and Armani suits. "
Riker and chop at the same time, horrified -" Lawyers! "Geordi
- "No way. All the Lawyers were rounded up and thrown into the sun in 2017 during the Great Revenge. "
Data - "True, but apparently have had to survive."
Riker - "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering all kinds of papers."
Data - "I think it's known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape'. Often fatal outcome."
Riker - "They are dismantling the Borg in pieces!"
Picard - "Turn off monitors, Data, I can not keep looking. Even the Borg does not deserve such a horrible death!"
(Thanks Sanctuary).
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